Okay, so I really didn't fight the law, but I did dodge a bullet. Okay, so I really didn't dodge a bullet, but I did get out of not going to court for a subpoena I received. A couple of weeks ago, I was subpoenaed to appear in court on May 11th. "Why was Jerome subpoenaed?" Some of you may be asking. To make a long story short, I'll give the Reader's Digest version (Copacabana style).
His name was Nico, he wore a gold chain
He was escorted to the floor, for a game of four-on-four
And when he played defense, Jerome crossed him over
But Nico went a bit too far, Jerome sailed across the court
And then the punches flew and heads were smashed in three
There was blood and a couple of cheap shots
But just who kicked me?
(Some details were left out, but it's the Reader's Digest version and I had to get it to go with the second verse of "Copacabana.")
If it weren't for my pops telling me about his subpoena, I may not have known about it until next week. I tossed the letter I received from the City of Denver judicial branch with all of my other mail. If it's not a check, which it rarely is, I usually don't open my mail until I get a good stack on my couch and get tired of shifting it from the floor to the couch to the floor... you get the picture. Back to the subpoena story. Pops wrote a letter to the DA stating that we did not deem it necessary to appear in court since it was a minor incident and there were no hard feelings between the parties involved. I get a call from the DA after he received the letter and told him the same thing. Apparently, that reasoning threw a wrench into the way DA's are supposed to think since the DA said, "Let me think about that and I'll get back with you tomorrow." The DA called back the next day and told me, "I went back and forth over this case all night, and came to this conclusion. We will not proceed with the case since [basically repeating everything I told him the previous day]." Good thing this wasn't something serious or he'd still be thinking about it. All that to say that I didn't have to miss a day of work to sit through a 12-hour court proceeding in which the defendant would've been found "Not guilty by reason of insanity" or something similar.
Most of us have been to traffic court a time or two or 10 in my case, and we all know what a waste of time that is. Go to court, sit on a hard wooden bench for at least an hour, listen to sob stories from 16 year-old chicks and foreign drivers, who suddenly can't grasp the English language, while you just want to get points reduced, pay your fine and speed right back to work or lunch. Sitting through a jury duty screening is even worse, so I can only imagine how much longer an actual trial will last. The judicial waiting process is NOTHING compared to the collecting unemployment process. Trust me, I know.